I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
