I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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