If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
