Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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