Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
