clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
