WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
