Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
