I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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