She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
