When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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