im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
