she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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