I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
