i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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