Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize