Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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