Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
