Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
