i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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