Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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