that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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