It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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