considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
you are never too drunk for berry picking
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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