You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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