I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
