Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
pray to the hookup gods
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I have post one night stand depression
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
