Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
