Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize