just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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