I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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