Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
