They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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