I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I wish you could order shots online.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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