I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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