if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
