my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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