I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize