New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
