well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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