If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
