If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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