you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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