In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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