names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you will always have a special place in my vag
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
