Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
