he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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