Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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