You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
