i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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