Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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