I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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