At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
