i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
