if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize