I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Oh god it's open bar.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
