I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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