She went from zero to smokin in five shots
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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