Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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