I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
