yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
