And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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