Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
