please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
