I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
