I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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