I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I want to make a zoo with you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize