you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
