I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
