Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
