If i come over, it means nothing
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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