I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
