I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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