Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
