In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
