My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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